If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
