Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
