sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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