what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
