On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
