Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
