I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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