I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
