I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He better not be in your backpack
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
