Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
