You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
