The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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