When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I need water and some morals
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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