We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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