hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Randomize
