I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
