quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
