I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
my poor anus
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
