I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
did i walk over a car last night?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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