just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
