I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I look better un-naked...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
