Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
