Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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