oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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