I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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