the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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