Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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