I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
