if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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