Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
