the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
