Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
