I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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