i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
