Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hippo gnu deer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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