So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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