so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
