Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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