oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
