I feel great
I just peed on a car
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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