I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
