he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
