Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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