Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
