I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
