My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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