and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
