There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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