i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
