How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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